today was the first day of school.
it was rather medioca.
People hugged, I got the bottom locker. I zoned out in assembly and imagined myself singing rebel grrrl on stage instead of the year 12 performing Turning Tables by Adele. As I shuffled into the hall I wondered if anyone knew who the Smiths were. Anyone out of the extraordinary mass of people. I wasn't trying to be "I'm better than you cause I'm oh so indie." I was legitimentally wondering, because when you go on the internet and find a trillion billion gazillion people who love the Smiths and don't like calling people sluts you start to believe normal life is like that.
so far, I have found that it isn't.
I know this is super duper rude, but I always wonder if I am going to find a group of people who are kind of like me and it will be like in the movies where we can't bear to be apart for more than a weekend.
That sounds super rude and snobbby and rude. But it is honestly what I am trying to figure out. I fit in at school, most people think I am funny and super duper cute and indie and weird. But I wonder if I will ever feel that need to see someone. If I will ever desperately crave talking to someone, and if we will be like those friend crush people you see on Rookie.
That is all.
Here is the outfit I wore on the last day of holidays. I watched Glee, oh so much Glee. It was awesome. I wanted to go to an American high school, I know you will all say they are not like in the movies. But at least there it would seem kind of tragically romantic if you don't have any friends.
okay, it sounds like I am being really dramatic and making it sound like I have no friends. I do, I just feel kind of.......... lonely in a nonloner, I actually have lovely friends way.
okay, I had this idea. Since I am aiming to not care what people think, I thought of something:
In my school and probably every school ever in the word, the boys kind of have the authority. I know, I know what you're thinking :"But Carla, you just described what feminism is trying to change." Well, I know I did, but I think one of the problems is that even though loads of girls are really into being strong and awesome, loads of boys probably have no idea what feminism even is.
BRO, I am serious, I don't know about you, but in my school some of the boys are really not the sharpest knives in the drawer. I know that is unfair to say, there are some boys who are awesome and nice and not, well lets say it, COMPLETE GORILLAS.
Every week year nine is having a meeting and apparenlty the students are allowed to kind of do whatever they want there. Like singing or poetry or short films. So, If I got the courage and maybe like a cape or something, I could make a super super simple slide show thing and talk about what feminsim and riot grrrl and not shaving armpits is.
Because, frankly I am convinced some of the boys just honestly don't know that we are not there to be there gorgeous back up dancers.
I don't know, I probably won't ever do that, I will probably just think about it a lot. Some of my friends don't even know about feminism, and that makes me sad a little bit.
SUPER AWESOME SLIGHTLY GANGSTA, BUT SOMEHOW SHERLOCK HOLMESISH AT THE SAME TIME JACKET: the night markets. The lady said it was second hand all the way from America, where dreams come true. (sparkle noises.)
please comment on what you think. I know I am being annoying. But I would love the sweet people of the internet's opinion. I am sorry this post is super disjointed and blah.
ps: the vegetarian rage song is coming along nicely. Also thinking about singing that in assembly.