Tuesday, 29 January 2013

it's the freakiest show

today was the first day of school.

it was rather medioca.

People hugged, I got the bottom locker. I zoned out in assembly and imagined myself singing rebel grrrl on stage instead of the year 12 performing Turning Tables by Adele. As I shuffled into the hall I wondered if anyone knew who the Smiths were. Anyone out of the extraordinary mass of people. I wasn't trying to be "I'm better than you cause I'm oh so indie." I was legitimentally wondering, because when you go on the internet and find a trillion billion gazillion people who love the Smiths and don't like calling people sluts you start to believe normal life is like that. 

so far, I have found that it isn't.

I know this is super duper rude, but I always wonder if I am going to find a group of people who are kind of like me and it will be like in the movies where we can't bear to be apart for more than a weekend. 

That sounds super rude and snobbby and rude. But it is honestly what I am trying to figure out. I fit in at school, most people think I am funny and super duper cute and indie and weird. But I wonder if I will ever feel that need to see someone. If I will ever desperately crave talking to someone, and if we will be like those friend crush people you see on Rookie.

That is all.

Here is the outfit I wore on the last day of holidays. I watched Glee, oh so much Glee. It was awesome. I wanted to go to an American high school, I know you will all say they are not like in the movies. But at least there it would seem kind of tragically romantic if you don't have any friends.

okay, it sounds like I am being really dramatic and making it sound like I have no friends. I do, I just feel kind of.......... lonely in a nonloner, I actually have lovely friends way. 

 sorry, they are upside down, my brain does not care at the moment.

okay, I had this idea. Since I am aiming to not care what people think, I thought of something:

In my school and probably every school ever in the word, the boys kind of have the authority. I know, I know what you're thinking :"But Carla, you just described what feminism is trying to change." Well, I know I did, but I think one of the problems is that even though loads of girls are really into being strong and awesome, loads of boys probably have no idea what feminism even is.

BRO, I am serious, I don't know about you, but in my school some of the boys are really not the sharpest knives in the drawer. I know that is unfair to say, there are some boys who are awesome and nice and not, well lets say it, COMPLETE GORILLAS.

Every week year nine is having a meeting and apparenlty the students are allowed to kind of do whatever they want there. Like singing or poetry or short films. So, If I got the courage and maybe like a cape or something, I could make a super super simple slide show thing and talk about what feminsim and riot grrrl and not shaving armpits is.

Because, frankly I am convinced some of the boys just honestly don't know that we are not there to be there gorgeous back up dancers.

I don't know, I probably won't ever do that, I will probably just think about it a lot. Some of my friends don't even know about feminism, and that makes me sad a little bit.

jeans- embellished by me.
SUPER AWESOME SLIGHTLY GANGSTA, BUT SOMEHOW SHERLOCK HOLMESISH AT THE SAME TIME JACKET: the night markets. The lady said it was second hand all the way from America, where dreams come true. (sparkle noises.)

please comment on what you think. I know I am being annoying. But I would love the sweet people of the internet's opinion. I am sorry this post  is super disjointed and blah.


ps: the vegetarian rage song is coming along nicely. Also thinking about singing that in assembly.


  1. Ultra story of my ultra life. From being so interested in feminism what has become so obvious to me and remains totally unknown to others feels really weird. PLEASE DO THE SLIDESHOW IT WOULD MAKE MY LIFE EVEN THOUGH I WON'T BE THERE
    I go to an all girls school so there is a massive focus on YOU CAN DO IT! and women in history/science/english/religion/whatever subject it is. But I'd say a large part of the girls don't know about feminism. Like they care about all that stuff, but I feel like 'feminist' is a bit of a taboo label. Also they simply aren't aware of a lot of those things that you mentioned up there, and I don't at all mean that in a condescending or snobby way.It is as you say a bit sad because it's like I can see you care about being equal and being respected etc etc and the feminist sisterhood is so awesome, I want to share all my ~feelz~ but like where would I even come from? If that makes sense.

  2. OH THAT'S MY LIFE. It's getting slightly creepy how similar our lives are... Anyways.
    I hate school. It sucks. Can you believe that almost nobody knows David Bowie here?! It drives me mad that everyone just doesn't know about life and teenagehood and obsessions. I feel so awful here, I feel really stuck and restless and lonely. And this feminism thing - ohgod, I hate it. But I currently can't talk bad about boys, because ya know, love and stuff... and you can talk with him about everything. <3

    PS: I sent your letter a week ago - has it arrived yet?

  3. Uhhhhh I feel the same way! LIke, I have friends and all, but like, none of them here are into Rookie and the Smiths and stuff, which is sad :(

    But I go to like the most steriotypical american highschool ever and even then it's not like glee and the cheerleaders only where their outfits on game days, hahaha :)

    Hope you feel better soon....


  4. I get what you mean.. i just don't understand why some people are content to do what everyone else is doing and wear what everyone else is wearing and stuff. By the way, I go to an american school that is totally not like Glee but still terrible sometimes :(

  5. Like everyone in the rest of the comments, this is the (slightly altered) story of my life.
    I often find myself wandering the corridors seriously wondering if I started singing the lyrics "in my life why do I give valuable time to people who don't care if I live or die" who would be offended or who would sing along.
    Another thing I really understand is your loner with friends thing. I have amazing friends it's just sometimes you can feel that distant you know? Like, they don't quite "get" it.
    I think that's another reason I love blogging because even though you may not necessarily be friends with the bloggers it's kinda like they are... You know what I mean?

    Also I'm wayyyyyyyyyy more indie than you gurrrl. I am queen of da hipsters.
    Heather :)

  6. It's better at my school because alot of people like the same music I do and movies as well. Most of the boys know what feminism IS but they're incredibly judgemental picking out flaws in every girl in our year as if they have the right to which is sickening and I have no idea why???

    asian schools are weird

  7. everyone feels like that in high school. i swear. i would bet there are a group of people you don't know that also dig the smiths. as far as feminism, i agree that some boys and some men have no concept whatsoever. yes it does suck, but we got to keep trying. the end.

  8. I'm homeschooled - I don't know if you have a lot of homeschoolers in Australia - but whenever I'm forced to interact with other people (GOD FORBID!) I know how you feel.