Saturday, 17 December 2011

A Big FAT (not correctly smelling) Christmas

Sup bros!

While doing awesome holiday stuff like decorating for Christmas ,making peanut butter smoothies and wondering why I thought a peanut butter smoothie would be appetizing, I still feel the need to send all my fellow bloggers a message that the aliens haven't had any more problems and that I have had a rather enjoyable first week of holidays. Wow that was a long sentence, if you were reading this out loud you'd be on the floor gasping for air right now. And that's why this post will never be published as a children's book, story-time wouldn't be so fun any more.  At this present moment I am sitting in the Christmas room and wondering why out Christmas tree doesn't smell like one. It's real and everything, and quite well shaped may I add, but this high quality tree of ours hasn't got the smelling christmassy part mastered yet.

That or we don't water it enough.

And to make these very stressful matters worse, my cheap advent calendar chocolate doesn't have the right advent calendar chocolate taste. My wise brother, a master of chocolate, confidently assures me it tastes just right. "it tastes like cheap crappy chocolate"  he says knowingly. But I believe, and I have been around longer than him therefore having experienced more christmasses, that the taste is all wrong. And I really hope that the cheesy Christmas movies my mum is out getting will making me all excited and you know, singing Christmas carols in the shower or something. But just to be safe, because the tree and calendar are letting me down, if anyone knows of any Christmas magic spells or Christmas tree scented deodorant please tell me.

The future of Christmas depends on it.

Anyway. to show you what I've done so far these holidays I will perform a song to you followed by a quick mime and ending with an interpretive dance routine. Or since I don't really want to embarass myself show off my talent too much on the internet, I'll do a list instead. Complete with pictures might I add.

  • Created a homemade improvisation of a nativity scene, since we don't have any of those professional, you know matchng figurines.

    Please notice the height difference between the sheep and the shepard. I have decided the shepard specialises in breeding giant animals.
    Don't the three kings look wise and stylish with their robes.
    Don't ask me why I have a baby figurine lying around
  • Went on a decorating frenzy that generally happens every year near christmas, felt the need to decorate everything.
  • Didn't decorate everything everything, but did manage to dump the christmas spirit on some house hold objects.

  • Went to the beach and ordered 14 potato cakes.
  • Don't worry there were 8 of us.
  • Had an intense beach volleyball game, girls vs boys, with our family friends kids.
  • Actually it wasn't intense at all, the (soccer) ball hardly went in the court, but we did enjoy revving eachother up by acting like yo dude gorillas
  • Swam, even though the water had bacteria in it that can give you gastro.
  • Dug a massive massive hole, well my brother did, it was so big my dad had to come and warn us about the dangers of sand.
  • Lets just say I am now scared to dig a big hole again.
  • My mum let me buy Frankie because I am trying to find a good magazine to subscribe to since progessing from the joys of total girl 
  • It's really good, but me and mum are open to suggestions
  • Defaced Justin Bieber and Jack Vidgen (australia's got talent winner) with an excellent program on the computer.

    sorry insane fans.
  • One day I intelligently decided to make a peanut butter and jam smoothie. I didn't make up the recipie I actually have a cook book awesome enough to include a smoothie such as this.

Yes, if anyone is wondering in disgust, that is a blob of peanut butter to decorate.

  • I  had about 5 mouthfulls, and then questioned by sanity and extreme love of peanut butter.
  • My cunning father suggested that I freeze it into peanut butter cubes that are still waiting to be eaten.
Now, to the untrained (probably adult) eye, it looks like my first week has been unproductive, but I believe that that assumption is not correct. (That sounded so professional!!) Look at all the valueable lessons I have learnt, I will now never ever make a peanut butter smoothie again. But by far the most productive thing I have done is develope my..........JAZZ STANCE!

What is a jazz stance? you ask desperately.
Well, whenever you hear jazz music, like I did last night (a live jazz version of santa claus is coming) you get into this jazzy pose. I would describe mine as smelling a fart and enjoying it while nodding your head and clicking your fingers and looking really sleepy.
Did you just make this concept up carla? You ask slightly unimpressed.
Yes, yes I did. I reply demonstarting my jazz stance.

Well, this has been very fun to write, but as you know I am a very jazz stancey and busy person. So I'll leave you with some questions:

Are you daring enough to brave the peanut butter and jam smoothie? (it's actually not that gross,. just extremely sickening)

For those who don't celebrate christmas. Do you wish you did? Do you hate it when people like me go on about it?

Can anyone recommend any good Carlaish magazines that you can buy in Australia? they can't be too adulty or expensive.

Favourite Christmas memory?

FROM CARLA, extremely jazzy person and advent calender connoisseur.


  1. i LOVE your nativity decorating crafting masterpiece! :) sadly i've too tried the peanut butter smoothie. it's wrong on many levels. your summer sounds perfect, & completely perfect for you. i wish you had a photo of the santa jazzy stance you invented.

  2. Peanut butter smoothies...I used to make those...blurgh. Fave Christmas memory? When I was six/seven, I received about 3 hundred My Little Pony's, a miniature farm, a tool box and a Barbie bike. It was awesome..
    PS glad to see your posting again! ^^

  3. youtr blog is so hilarious and epic :D I love it!!
    The smoothies sound interesting! Have grea holidays!xxx

    brigita rando

  4. well I think your nativity scene is splendid! x

  5. loved the decor, and the blob of peanut butter (it was good that u explained)

  6. I love the nativity scene!!! It weird and really awesome!!! I'm being repetitive!!! okay...
    you seem to have quite the life, defacing JB and making smoothies with peanut butter in them... NOT SARCASM!!!